Too Late
Tô com vontade de escrever essa aqui em inglês, então infelizmente se você é monolíngue e (por algum motivo?) tem interesse na minha monótona entrada, favor se retirar ou abrir algum tradutor (que não seja o do Google porque esse é uma merda). Caso você fale inglês também, enjoy. (Isso vai ser mais abstrato do que o meu normal, também...)
Been feeling so distant lately.
Distant from the bad, from mourning transparents, from the red and from the sharp. From the sting I used to feel, for a long time... In the skin and in the soul. How did I manage to escape from it? I'm so not sure... My life's been feeling like a whole fucking movie. I don't know the genre yet, though. I used to be ready to let the credits roll... Now I just know I still have a long story, maybe even post-credit scenes.
But what I've been feeling distant the most, these days... Is from reality. How am I supposed to know if... When I open my eyes first thing in the morning, I'm doing the right thing? That the butterfly is flapping its wings right? What if my future isn't mine to create, but just a story I'm forced to read, with no say in the author's decisions? I can feel my youth crawling under my skin and opening wounds, melting away from my reach together with my blood. I try to grab it but... It's liquid. The drain swallows all my dreams and I can't breathe ever again. It's been like this for years. Is this how it ends? I can feel my heart way too well. I know exactly where it is. Thump, thump, thump, racing, thump, thump, thump, aching. Dancing, chasing, falling, dying.
Everything is okay now, I solved everything I could, why am I anxious?
Doesn't make sense. I'm supposed to be happy.
This album makes me feel bad and on edge in the best ways possible:
https://open.spotify.com/album/07w0rG5TETcyihsEIZR3qG?si=-1Os1UrMRUCL0CJkEdIbrw
The cover is familiar to me... I feel like I'm staring out in an empty sea, nothing for me there except water to drown in. Nowhere to go. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. I wanted to jump, I never did. How do I make the best out of it now that I don't?
I'm confused. And a bit lost.
"Is it bad that I want more?"
I feel like I should be doing more with my life. But I can't do anything when I feel like I'm behind bars. There were so many, now there's only one. Yet I'm still stuck.
This is unfair. My heart overflows once again... With stuff I can't explain. I just know it feels hopeless. This is unfair. Unfair.
I'm still trying my hardest.
Eventually... I'll be free. I think.
Enfim... Não tem como responder comentários nesse site, eu acho... Mas pra pessoa que comentou na minha última entrada... Obrigada, você é legal! Eu gostei muito do seu comentário.
I guess this is it for now. :?:
XO, Andromeda
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